As a chid she was precocious and opinionated..and hard. We had our years of difficulties and conflicts, but we grew out of that and moved to a place of female companionship and beautiful friendship. I nursed this child for four years...I remember all those nursing sessions like they were yesterday. Her soft baby hair, her eyes looking up at me from that special angle only a nursing mother sees, her silky skin, the smell of her neck.
Sky rented her first apartment last week, with her best friend. A small place, with little empty roooms and new carpet and the smell of smoke from a previous tenant. I went to see her in her place on Sunday, in the middle of a Michigan blizzard. I brought groceries.
The children loved seeing her apartment. They rolled around on her carpet and Tate said it was better than home. :)
I am so proud of her, but this is very hard. There is an empty space here where she was, and it feels very lonely. I find that I vacillate minute by minute between joy for her and sadness for this loss I perceive. I walk around my house and find little remnants of her. An empty wrapper, a small pile of laundry, her hair in my comb. She was the thing that set my life on course, the person that made me what I am, she was and is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I long for someone to share these feelings with. Someone who would understand me and share this with me. I do not have that and that too, is painful. I think I have some work to do! :)
10 comments:
aww..I can't imagine the feeling this flying the nest brings..how strange it must be!
Hey, nice clockwork orange poster on the wall though ;-)
Best wishes to Sky on her new journey in life :))
Oh Greenlee, it must be so hard! My oldest is only 8, but I had tears in my eyes reading your post and imagining him leaving home some day. You are in my thoughts. Lots of hugs.
Jen in TX
Mine's 21, just, and is fairly independent now. We are a different cut of cloth, though...we're close and still dependent upon each other, but she's got her life and I've got mine.
G~
Your post really touched my heart! So, bittersweet! Ah, just seeing her apartment takes me back to when I was starting out- the excitement, the newness, the fear and the joy of the unknown.
And- what you wrote about the view of the child that only the nursing mother sees- oh my yes! I think about my daughters, the swell of their cheeks and their big blue eyes! My heart is full of love!
My dear, you are a glorious mother and friend to S and she will only grow to appreciate that more every day of her life! (((hugs)))
Oh my! You brought out much needed tears from my heart. I can only imagine the feelings that her departure brings. I treasure my boys each day and in the same moment I feel the fleeting of time. Goodness, Greenlee. You are such a woman. Love, Cara
Greenlee, that was so beautifully written. Sister is 13 going on 14 and is my heart. I am not sure how to feel about her departure... it will come eventually.
Much love to you
Heather
Mamas, I am so happy to read your comments. I realize that I actually am NOT alone. We are all in this together. Thank you for your love and support!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this difficult time. I want you to know that you're not alone. I can only wish that my oldest had moved to an apartment. For I lost her in an accident a little over 4 years ago and they seem like a lifetime ago...KayCee would be a senior this year and I can only imagine what or how she would look like. She was my firstborn and as with your daughter KayCee changed me in so many ways...She caused me the two most painful times in my life. Her birth and death, but I wouldn't give either of those up for the short 13 almost 14 years with her. It was because of her death that I realized just how limited our time is with our children and how each and every moment must be cherished for it's the quiet simple moments that will help us endure after they leave us and start journey's of their own. I hope that you will realize that you're in my thoughts and prayers. May you be comforted in knowing that others do mourn and grieve. It is a loss for you and a definate change and it can't be any other way when a part of you is gone. I also learned that while you loved each child differently...the love is not any less from one child to the next. They all own a piece of your heart..it's the price of motherhood and love.
Warm Regards,
Debb
I'm a fellow jewelry creator and a fan of your site!
OH my gosh Debbie ~ my heart goes out to you and your dear KayCee. What a tremendous loss that words cannot touch. Thank you for sharing that with me, and for writing. ((((hugs)))))
I really understand this... both of my daughters moved on this past year and I feel very alone within a house of males...
no more babies for me and now, crone-dom.
love your blog, my dear...
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