My blessed first born child has left the nest. She is almost 20, but I don't know where the time went. It wasn't enough. I know that.
As a chid she was precocious and opinionated..and hard. We had our years of difficulties and conflicts, but we grew out of that and moved to a place of female companionship and beautiful friendship. I nursed this child for four years...I remember all those nursing sessions like they were yesterday. Her soft baby hair, her eyes looking up at me from that special angle only a nursing mother sees, her silky skin, the smell of her neck.
Sky rented her first apartment last week, with her best friend. A small place, with little empty roooms and new carpet and the smell of smoke from a previous tenant. I went to see her in her place on Sunday, in the middle of a Michigan blizzard. I brought groceries.
The children loved seeing her apartment. They rolled around on her carpet and Tate said it was better than home. :)
I am so proud of her, but this is very hard. There is an empty space here where she was, and it feels very lonely. I find that I vacillate minute by minute between joy for her and sadness for this loss I perceive. I walk around my house and find little remnants of her. An empty wrapper, a small pile of laundry, her hair in my comb. She was the thing that set my life on course, the person that made me what I am, she was and is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I long for someone to share these feelings with. Someone who would understand me and share this with me. I do not have that and that too, is painful. I think I have some work to do! :)